He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
