Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
