i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
