There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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