You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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