I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
