Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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