do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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