My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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