i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
