I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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