just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
