I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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