U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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