This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
