you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
