fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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