i permit you to call me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
