The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
