Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
