Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
