I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
