At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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