I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
