Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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