so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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