I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
