you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
