i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
