She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Randomize
