fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have post one night stand depression
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize