dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize