Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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