living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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