After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
