I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
