My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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