I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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