I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
