the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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