You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
