shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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