What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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