dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
