Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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