I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
