I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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