I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
