just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
