that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
