I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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