Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
