the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
