His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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