Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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