Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
