Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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