last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
