I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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