me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
