Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
