if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
