my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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