How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
