we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
