I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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