Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
