There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
