im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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