I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
