You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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