I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to be your penis for a week.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
