Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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