Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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