There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I forget how to act sober
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
