i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
