Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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