i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
