Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
