I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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