So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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