He is an equal opportunity slut.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
