Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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