Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
